*Vocabulary for this post:
- at address - to 'address the ball' in golf means to stand in position, ready to hit the ball. So at address simply means 'during the time that one is addressing the ball.'
- up and down - generally when your ball is within chipping or pitching distance off the green, this is when you can get the ball in the hole in 2 more shots. "Up" onto the green for one, and "down" into the hole for 2.

What is the 'Mental Game'?

Golf is a game for the pensive, not the absent-minded. It's a slow and precise game, and you spend the least amount of time during a round of golf actually hitting a ball. It is estimated that only about 10% of the time you spend during a round is spent at address* (including your pre-shot routine).

This leaves 90% of your time out on the course for contemplation. So what do you think about?

For most of us, it's that last shot we just made. Or the shot we made 2 holes ago. Or that unfair lie you got. Or your mortgage, your kids, your deadlines, your vacation coming up, the physics of a black hole, the person who honked at you yesterday, the great birdie you had on this hole the last time you played it, and on and on and on.

And then when it's time to hit, you start thinking about what your ball needs to do to make you happy. Few things in life are as full of pleasure and joy and satisfaction than hitting a pure golf shot. Few things in life are as frustrating and angering as not doing so. When you spend 90% of your time envisioning your shot and hoping for the best, and 10% of the time not measuring up to that standard you see on TV every weekend, it will definitely get to you.

Oh, and if you think that getting better at golf will improve your attitude in this way, then just pay attention to how many pouting pros you see on TV this weekend when they hit shots that we think were almost perfect.

Golf is just Life, and vice-versa

"Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies."

-Bobby Jones

How you act on the course is special. A version of yourself always appears - a version from deep down there. Whatever the outcome of your most recent shot, chances are that some deep part of you manifested itself. Even if you don't think so, I challenge you to evaluate your reactions to each shot.

When it comes time to choose your club and make your swing, you probably don't envision yourself duffing or chunking or blading or shanking - you probably imagine that pure shot, as well you ought to! Always believe that you're going to hit your best shot in that moment.

"But then I'm just setting myself up for failure!" you may think.

Well, to level with you, every time you do anything you're setting yourself up for failure. That's all life is - going through our routines, trying some new things, problem-solving, and hoping that you succeed. The most successful people consistently report to us that failure is something to be embraced and studied with a smile. It's our greatest teacher, and if we fail enough, eventually we succeed.

But oh, how it hurts. It cuts us deep, reminding us that we are in fact mere mortals. And yet, this should inspire you in some way.

When I used to play regularly, there was another young man who was an excellent golfer. I was in awe of his ideal swing and his calm focus out on the course. One day I got to play with him, and became nervous because I wanted to impress him. I played well, but he played poorly. In the back-nine, when his score was too bad to be competing with us anymore, he kept his temperament, continuing to make jokes and, most impressive, remaining utterly consistent with his concentration and focus.

He was very disappointed in himself after each bad shot, and it would show. But as soon as his club was back in his bag, it was done. We discussed this a little bit later when I expressed my admiration for his ability. He didn't have any secrets or tricks for me, he just said, "You'll go crazy if you focus on what happened once it's time to do what's next."

He was only ever looking forward to the next shot. And that shot is always the most important shot.

What to tell yourself

You're going to have some conversations with yourself. You're going to learn a lot about your inner voice. I wish someone had told me this when I was a teenager - it would have made me a much more successful young adult! Instead, I treated that inner voice like the voice of truth, which I had to prove wrong only by playing better.

The problem? I never play better than that inner voice wants me to. Even playing well, it still kept at it: Voice: "You'll be lucky to get this on the green, Sean." Me: I hit the ball with a perfect flight to 3 feet of the pin "How about that, eh?" Voice: "The epitome of luck. Haha enjoy it while it lasts because that's a once-in-a-round shot. Also, mind your knees knocking as you push that putt right and miss it!"

Maybe you can relate (If you can't, then don't try to!). We all deserve an inner voice that encourages us, and one powerful way to do that is to force yourself to say nice things.

Yes indeed, on the next shot that you hit you must find one positive thing that you did and say it, out loud, to yourself. Even if you have to say it under your breath so that your group doesn't tease the affirmation schizo who just 4-putted, you should say it out loud, and say no more. Compliment yourself after each shot. Compliment your lie when it's good. Compliment the course between shots. Compliment your friends and group mates.

In golf and in life, what comes around goes around. So send out that positivity even when you feel like lighting dynamite inside a troublesome bunker. I promise that if you do, good things will start coming around more often.

Pay attention to each shot in your group

This act has surprisingly positive consequences. First, you'll be the hero for always knowing where everyone's ball is!

But more than that, you'll get out of your own head and you'll learn quite a bit. We get so fixated on our own task, that we don't appreciate the tasks being taken up by those around us. "How in the world is Tom going to get up and down* from there?"

Pay special attention to those in your group who are intentional and who are putting their game together. And if you're playing with a course regular, then try to ride in their cart - even if they don't play well, they'll know every contour and every mistake you're about to make.

Make sure to take time for yourself, and you certainly wont be able to give total attention to every other shot made, but if you stop and study those around you, your mental game will improve.

Routine

Have a routine for almost everything. This could sound boring - but it's a winning proposition and it will help you play your best mental game. And nothing is more exciting than winning, no matter how boring it feels to get there.

I will write about routines in upcoming posts in more detail, but the concept here is that whether it's warming up on the range, lining up a putt, or standing over a ball with your driver, you should be going through some kind of series of motions and thoughts that will get yourself into an intentional rhythm. This will create the muscle memory that can take over at times when your mind is a little off.

The next time you're practicing, take note of what you do for each of your shots. How do you tee up your ball? How do you address the ball with your driver? Your 9-iron? How many times do you look down the fairway at address? Do you wiggle your driver over the ball the same way you wiggle your 7-iron? In a greenside bunker, how many times do you glance up at your landing zone, then crouch down, then pop back up for a glance, then crouch down... before swinging? How many practice chips do you make before addressing your ball? Where are your eyes looking on the green before making a putt?

There is no right answer, but awareness of your routines will often prevent you from overthinking. Here's an example in putting that you may relate to:

You are hovering over your ball, comfortably. You look up at the hole and realize you need to adjust your line a bit. You wiggle your feet and adjust your grip. You look up at the hole and determine how hard you need to hit this putt. You look back down at your ball. One last look at the hole - and you don't like your new line. You split the difference, wiggling your feet again, adjusting your hands. Now you realize your back hurts. You stiffen it for a quasi-stretch, then relax, then look back at the hole. Suddenly, the distance seems incalculable. But you've taken too long. Your line is good, at least. You're holding up the group, so you putt. It stops 7 feet short of the hole.

Consider forcing yourself to adopt an identical routine before each putt. After enough practice, both adjusting the routine and obeying the routine, your consistency will level out, and suddenly that crazy mental roller coaster you'd been riding before all of your putts becomes a peaceful stroll through a tranquil garden (or wherever your happy place is). Even when you mess up, it becomes easier to pinpoint why, because your routine helps you understand your own game.

Conclusion

We so often think that golf is a battle between us and the course. This is partially true, but as Tiger Woods reminds us, it's more a battle between you and yourself. Golf will show you who you truly are, and if you can be an honest judge of yourself, you're going to learn a lot. Be okay with all your bad shots this week, and listen to what they tell you. If you're honest and patient enough, sometimes they'll even listen to what you tell them.

This is my current rumination on the mental game of golf. Someday I'll have more to say about it. But for now, I hope that reading this post opens your mind to the vastness of this extraordinary game. Keep an open mind toward golf, as you should keep an open mind toward life. Most of all, find out how you most enjoy the act of golfing, and that enjoyment will be proof that you conquered your mental game that day.